everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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