i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Randomize
