Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
