I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
