My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize