I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
