oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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