Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
