Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
