dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm just crazy horny about you
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
