If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
