you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
