I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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