Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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