better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
