Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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