Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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