dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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