On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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