I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
