she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
