i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
