just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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