It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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