Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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