This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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