Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
