Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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