i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
