So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize