Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
