he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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