he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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