you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
