Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
