If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
