It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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