A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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