i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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