I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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