Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
