i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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