No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
