I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
