yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
