he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
