Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
