I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
