I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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