It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You need a sexual gate keeper
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
