Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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