I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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