She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
This baby is an asshole
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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