She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
