if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
