Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
