Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
