You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
