therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
