we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
