He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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