This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
