and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
