Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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