I should be sponsored by Trojan
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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