How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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