Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
