I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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