Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
