did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you inspire me to be a worse person
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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