I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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