it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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