i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
