someone owes me an orgasm
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
there is puke in my bra ... again
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
