I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
