if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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