Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
