I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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