do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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