I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
